It's OK Pooch

Separation anxiety training: short absences, built up slowly

Guides · 6 min read · Not yet reviewed by a certified behaviour consultant

If your dog howls, paces or scratches at the door when you leave, you are not a bad owner and your dog is not being naughty. A lot of people quietly rearrange their whole lives around a dog who can't cope alone, and feel judged for it. This guide explains what the published advice says, in plain words, so you can start from a calm place.

Is it worry, or is it boredom?

Not every dog who struggles alone is anxious. Some are frustrated or bored [3]. Researchers describe several different emotional roots for problems when alone, such as frustration, fear and panic, and boredom, and the same behaviour can come from different causes [4]. So treat what follows as patterns to notice, not a diagnosis.

Timing is one of the most useful clues. Signs of anxiety usually start within minutes of you leaving, while a dog who settles first and only gets restless much later may be bored or need the toilet [2]. One review notes that problem behaviour tends to peak soon after the owner leaves rather than building up slowly, which points away from boredom [5].

Food is another clue. If your dog ignores a chew when alone but eats it happily when you're home, that suggests worry [2]. Very anxious dogs often won't eat when alone at all [1].

Health problems can cause or worsen behaviour when alone, so a vet check is a sensible first step [2][7].

Why the absences start so short

The approach most sources describe is called graduated absences, or systematic desensitisation. You leave for a time so short that your dog stays relaxed, then lengthen it in small steps [1][5]. The ASPCA describes first absences of just one to two seconds, with only a few seconds added per session early on [1]. Each absence is planned to be shorter than the time it takes your dog to get upset [1].

That can feel almost silly. Stepping out of sight for two seconds does not look like training. But the point is that your dog practises being alone and fine, over and over. In a small controlled study of eight dogs, this kind of gradual desensitisation reduced separation-related behaviour and appeared to be the key ingredient [8].

Short absences also protect your progress. Repeated time alone while anxious can make things worse [11], and the RSPCA advises never leaving a dog long enough for distress to set in [6]. Between absences, wait a few minutes until your dog is calm again [1].

A few habits help:

Measuring the time to first worry

The number that matters most is how long your dog stays relaxed before the first small sign of worry. Not the first bark: the first sign. Owners tend to miss the quiet early signs, and video catches what we don't see [5]. Hidden signs of distress such as trembling, panting, drooling and pacing are best seen on camera, and they can start within minutes [7].

Signs to watch for include panting, pacing, yawning when not tired, lip licking and vocalising [10], as well as drooling and trembling [1]. If you see any of them, come back calmly. Next time, make the absence shorter and build up more slowly [1][10]. If your dog reacts, go back to the last stage that worked [6].

This is what alone-time sessions in It's OK Pooch are built around: you film each session on your phone, mark the moment of the first worry, and the next target is set from that number, shorter after a hard session and only a little longer after a calm one.

Rest days are part of the plan

It's tempting to practise every day. Malena DeMartini, who founded the Certified Separation Anxiety Trainer programme, recommends training five days a week with two days off. More training doesn't make progress faster, and rest helps a dog take in what they've learned [9].

Rest days are for you too. This is slow work, and you're allowed to have a normal evening.

Departure cues: keys, shoes, coat

Many dogs start to worry before you've even left. Pacing, panting and whining while you get ready are signs worth noticing [5]. Your keys, shoes and coat have come to mean "I'm about to be alone".

The ASPCA describes practising these cues without leaving: pick up your keys, then sit down; put your coat on, then watch TV. It suggests repeating this many times over many weeks [1]. Your dog has learned these signals over a long time, so it makes sense that unlearning them takes a while too.

While you're training

The hardest part is real life. The ASPCA advises that, during training, your dog shouldn't be left alone beyond what they can handle, using sitters, daycare or family to cover [1]. Dogs Trust gives the same advice [2]. Even once a dog is relaxed alone, the RSPCA and Dogs Trust suggest no more than about four hours [6][10].

Improvement takes weeks for some dogs and months for others [2][11]. Never scold your dog for what happens while you're out, and don't leave them to cry it out [7]. Neither helps a frightened dog.

If you'd like a plan that sets today's absence for you and adjusts it as you log, you can get your dog's first week, free, no card.

When to get more help

If your dog has hurt themselves when alone, tries hard to escape, or won't eat when you're out, please talk to a professional sooner rather than later. Moderate or severe cases need a qualified professional [1]. Our guide on when to see a vet behaviourist explains the signs and how to find help.

This guide is general information, not veterinary advice. If your dog is hurting themselves or others, talk to your vet.

Sources

  1. Treating Separation Anxiety in Dogs, ASPCA, 2020
  2. Separation anxiety in dogs: signs, causes and how to help, Dogs Trust
  3. Separation anxiety in dogs, PDSA (written by its vets and vet nurses)
  4. Developing Diagnostic Frameworks in Veterinary Behavioral Medicine: Disambiguating Separation Related Problems in Dogs, de Assis LS, Matos R, Pike TW, Burman OHP, Mills DS, Frontiers in Veterinary Science, 2020
  5. Canine separation anxiety: strategies for treatment and management, Rebecca J. Sargisson, Veterinary Medicine: Research and Reports, 2014
  6. Training your dog to be left alone, RSPCA
  7. Treating separation anxiety in dogs, RSPCA
  8. The efficacy of systematic desensitization for treating the separation-related problem behaviour of domestic dogs, Butler R, Sargisson RJ, Elliffe D, Applied Animal Behaviour Science, 2010
  9. Less Is More, Malena DeMartini, CSAT programme, 2023
  10. How to help your dog get used to spending time alone, Dogs Trust
  11. Dog separation anxiety FAQ, Malena DeMartini, CSAT programme

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